Overcoming The Stage Fright Habit. How?...

Question: ”Hi, i’m Charvi from India.  I’m into public speaking for two years now.  I have been doing a lot of compering work in schools and debate stuff as well.  Now where I stuck up is, I lose out what I am suppose to say.  Sometimes, while reading the correct words too, I go on speaking incorrectly, which makes things worse at times. Please advise.”

Answer: Charvi, Thank you for contacting me.  Stage fright  happens to everyone at some time in their lives. I’ve experienced it in the past myself often, and it’s quite dreadful.  I do not wish it for you.  However, I no longer experience stage fright because of discovering a new way to connect with others which is not scary.  We get up in front of others and fail miserably.  

Why is this?  I call this “The self-criticism habit”.   It is caused by the fact that our supply of awareness appears to us in a rather straight, linear fashion.  Let me explain. 

In an effort to gain control of a very public situation, we primarily have two choices:  Attempt to gain control by focusing on what we hope doesn’t show up or by focusing on what brings us pleasure.  That’s it.  We cannot do both at the same time.  If you focus on what is dreadful or frightens you.  If you offer your attention to what is failing you, incorrect, going terribly wrong, what you hope does not appear.   You will fall down a deep hole of frightful despair which will generate more of the same, until you refuse to place your attention there any longer.  

On the other hand, if you focus on what inspires you, opens your heart, propels you forward, makes you feel optimistic and desire to take greater risks during the presentation.  This would lead you down a hole of pleasure that you will never desire to leave.  And look forward to again and again.  Perhaps, you have gotten into the habit, like many of us, to “Focus on what is wrong, to get it right”.  

You may have learned how to “Paint or box yourself into a nerve-racking corner”.  This quality of focus consistently  will generate a tremendous amount of anxiety for anyone.  Perhaps, you’ve temporarily lost the ability to have fun in front of others.  Perhaps you have developed an inner critic that picks you apart when speaking publicly.  

I tell you in public, if you focus on what is wrong, you will get more of that.  I suggest a different approach.  The opposite approach.  I’ve experienced an end to the suffering of stage fright, by using it.  And so will you.

Exercise:  I’d like you to look around the room your in, seek out everything that you do not like about the room.  Make a mental note of every detail.  Now look around the room, look for everything you do like about the room.  Make a mental note  of every detail.  Which created more relaxation and pleasure  for you?  When you sought out the negative or the positive?  Of course. The positive.  This is what I desire you to experiment with at the next compering.

Give yourself more freedom of movement when you connect with others.  A great way to start is “permission to fail”.  Permission to fail, is ability to permit surprises to occur in the moment.  To let the moment get a tiny bit out of control, so when you screw up, it’s OK.  We all make mistakes every single day.  Why can’t we give ourselves permission to screw up during public speaking presentations?  

Give yourself permission to make mistakes.  Don’t make yourself wrong or right when public speaking.  Don’t beat yourself up.  Be kind to yourself.  Your focus, should be about having fun.  I would like you to get into the habit of getting lighter, happier and more playful in the presence of others.  Focus on the fun in the moment and you will experience more of that.  Do not the fear the moment.  Embrace it.  

This may  take some practice, but with time and kindness, I know you can do it.  In my experience, I desire more freedom.  We all do. I wish this for you too.  Freedom to fail, freedom to succeed, freedom to have fun!  

Please practice focusing on what amuses you in this moment.  Practice being kind to yourself.  Become lighter, and less serious when compering.  Be forgiving of your mistakes and practice focusing on what brings you pleasure.  Stop trying to please the audience.  I would like you from now on perform to an audience of “one”.  Yourself.  Get into your heart, explore what you feel, need, want, and desire when presenting.  If you are having a good time, we will have a good time.  You know why?  Because you are.  

Be kinder to yourself when you fail to live up to your expectations.  Experiment with these ideas and get back to me.  It will take practice.  However, it can become a new habit. Another thing you can do is practice deep belly breathing exercises.  Many people breathe shallow or hold breath when in public.  I hope this information is helpful to you.  May all your compering experiences become funner, and funner and funner!  

All my best, Guy